1. You will never feel like yourself again, but you will never miss feeling like the old "you' again. Your new name is so much more fulfilling. I feel one million times more satisfied and confident about who I am since having my baby. She has given me a whole new perspective, kind of a "don't sweat the small stuff" mentality. *Disclaimer: while I am much more relaxed about my body, I still do want to feel good and get back into my skinny jeans so this "I.W.I.K" is more about mental confidence...
2. Your husband/significant other will never understand how you feel. Really. They will feel love and a connection to your baby but it will not be the same. And, FYI, post partum is totally possible in Men. My husband couldn't grasp my love for our little girl when she came. I think he was surprised that he didn't feel instantly 'connected' to her, I had the opportunity to bond with her for nine months and he hadn't gotten that same advantage. She would cry and my body would physically hurt, he couldn't understand why I had such a hard time when I would hear her get upset (usually in the carseat when I couldn't get to her). He obviously loved her and didn't want to hear her crying either but my instincts seemed more urgent than his. He has gotten to the same page as me, it just took a little longer. It also didn't help that I was home with her all day and he only saw her for the few hours she was awake when he would get home from work. Paternity leave should be a mandatory thing here in the USofA... but when you are self employed I guess it wouldn't make a difference.
3. Speaking of crying: There is a lot of it. Look up "Purple Crying". It is a real thing. I wish I had known of it sooner than I did. Sometimes babies just cry. (Hell, sometimes I just cry!!!) I was so worried every time she cried that she had an ear ache or gas or something really bad that I didn't even know about... but 99.9% of the time it was nothing (thankfully). So if you have fed, changed, burped, swaddled, shh-ed, hummed, sang, rocked, DONE EVERYTHING and she still cries, it could just be purple crying...
4. Don't expect to dress your baby in anything but plain onsies for the first two months. I had all these cute outfits planned out but as soon as she was here all I ever put her in was a plain onsie because most likely anything that touched her body would be thrown up on or pooped in. Explosive poops were very popular in our house for the first 4 months of her life. It became somewhat of a talent! I had stressed myself so much about having 1 million outfits for her but I used none of them!! I spent lots of money on outfits that have since been passed on with the tags still on. Especially because she grew sooo fast.
5. It. Gets. Better. For moms! I joke that I am going to start an #itgetsbetterformoms campaign. I hated when people said this because every stage seemed worse or just different than the one before so I couldn't imagine getting out of it and it being ok. I remember looking at people eating frozen yogurt outside while I was walking into the Walgreens next door- to get wipes or diapers I am sure- and thinking "I'll never get to do THAT again!" haha. I literally thought I was never going to leave the house again. And in the beginning thats how it felt. After you conquer your first few outings, it doesn't seem so impossible. But it does take some getting used to. And, yes, it DOES get better!!! It is true!
6. Every mom that is already a mom is an expert. While I totally believe in sharing and taking advice from other moms, it all needs to be taken with a grain of salt. Every mom knows a mom who's kid "had that" and it was "really bad"... its the equivalent of DR. GOOGLE (don't google anything kid related!) Try not to stress yourself out and get worked up over every little rash and cough. Little baby bodies are trying to adjust to a new world, there is a learning curve of sorts. BUT don't feel bad if you do! Until you get the hang of it, call your doctor as much as you want if it makes you feel better and keeps you from being a bucket of stress. I hate when moms act like they were never just like YOU. Every mom was a NEW MOM at one point, they did exactly what you are doing right now, so don't be ashamed. Ask any 'stupid' question you want. No one has a baby and is instantly an expert or is comfortable with everything. If your doctor ever makes you feel like you are being paranoid or asking too many questions, find a new one. You need support, not judgement.
7. Everything you EXPECT to happen, won't. Plain and simple. Everything I had planned went right out the window when she came home. For example, I swore I wouldn't co-sleep but I had a baby that LITERALLY demanded it, so there you go. I'm a co-sleeping mommy (and I LOVE it)! She is really running the show these days. Go with the flow! And, ENJOY it! People criticized us cosleeping, so naturally I stressed about it. But then I stopped and I thought, "She won't be this little for long, she won't want to cuddle in bed with me forever, she isn't going to want to do this someday so enjoy it while she lets you." And I do.
8. You'll cry. You'll feel sad. You may even feel like you don't 'like' your baby sometimes. That is ok. And normal. (Obviously if any of these things are overwhelming you, maybe talk to your DR about the possibility of postpartum depression.) But, in moderation, these are completely and totally NORMAL. Its hard. Really FUCKING HARD! Being responsible for a new human is so hard so the first month or so of getting the hang of things can really test you, not to mention your lack of sleep which could make a grown woman cry even without a baby in her life! I called my mom numerous times crying because I just couldn't get a grip. sometimes I would just cry to cry because I felt like I didn't know what the fuck I was doing or who left me with this innocent child. So if you need to cry every now and then, it is ok.
9. Don't look at other babies on FB. Haha. Such a silly thing but I would look and be like "there baby is so happy, why isn't mine??" But, who posts pics of crying babies? No one. So of course that baby looks happy. I'm sure anyone who checks my Instagram thought that my baby was a smiling happy bundle at the beginning of her life but she had some realllllly rough days!! (She did do a lot of smiling though and now that is pretty much all she does!)
10. I feel like this goes back to the baby clothes thing. There are very few things that are absolutely necessary in the beginning. Having the crib and baby room 100% set up and ready are not something to stress over, our baby didn't step foot in her room until she was 6 months old. But I cried over it a few times before she got here because I really thought she was going in there on her first night home (fat chance, see #7). Most people use a bedside sleeper or a co-sleeper and don't use the crib for the first few weeks. Although, there are some people who do use it from day one. I just don't know any of them.
11. Invest in all things jersey. For you. I live in it now. Its absolutely necessary when you are rolling all over the floor with a baby. Skinny jeans just don't work for that and boyfriend jeans basically end up at your ankles after the first 5 squats to pick up the baby. Just an FYI, I am a walking GAP ad these days. Anyone who knew me "PRE-Eloah" know how out of my wardrobe routine this is/was. Im all the way NORM-CORE now. Its great, much easier than the little fashionista I thought I was before. I will admit I do still enjoy getting dressed up to go out, it just doesn't happen as often.
12. Breastfeeding is hard. Don't give up. It hurts and its weird for the first week but *shocking* IT GETS BETTER! I didn't think I cared one way or another about breast feeding before Eloah came. But it is honestly one of my favorite things now, I absolutely love it and I'm so glad I didn't shy from it and I didn't get discouraged. But I also know some people really struggle and I know that I am lucky that I was able to breastfeed. So if you can, even if you can only do it for one day, just try. Don't worry, if your baby needs to be formula fed it will be just as healthy and happy as any other baby. I prefer breastfeeding for the personal connection that I have with my baby. The way she looks up at me while she is eating, the way she plays so carefully with my necklace, the way she rests her hand on my chest and the little sounds she makes. That is why you should try it. If you do/are able to breastfeed, do it with pride. Whip those suckers out anywhere you need to!
13. You know your baby best. Even when you are doubting yourself, you know best. Follow your instincts. You are the best mommy for your baby. Seriously.
14. If you take the time to stress over and think about wether or not you are doing a good job, you are doing a GREAT job. YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB.
Anything you think I missed?? Let me know, I want this list to be as well rounded as possible!! :)
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